Conspiracy Theory: Did Mark Sanford Engineer the Shaq Trade?

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappears for Father's Day weekend, doesn't tell his wife or staff where he's going and just as he resurfaces, the Cleveland Cavaliers pull off a blockbuster trade to acquire Shaquille O'Neal from the Phoenix Suns?
Yeah-effing-right!
Did you think we wouldn't notice, Sanford, you slick, tricky-fingered SOB?
Sanford first claimed he was writing a book on the Appalachian Trail, which is like a guy telling his girlfriend that rather than cheating on her, he was building jet engines in Alaska.
Then Sanford claimed he had flown to Argentina to break it off with his mistress, which is like a guy telling his boss at the Alaskan jet engine factory that he couldn't make it to work because he had to swim to Sri Lanka to pick up bamboo feed for his pet Kuala bear.
What I'm saying is none of it makes sense! Any of it!
You want to hear what actually went down? Well, just remember you heard it here first:
Knowing that his political prospects were in jeopardy after rejecting federal stimulus money intended to save South Carolina's teachers from being laid off, Sanford had to make a play. Only a true boner would do something like that in a state that ranks 39th in public school performance and has a 12% unemployment rate.
Therefore, Sanford got involved in the only thing that would save his ass: Give LeBron James the front line help he needs to bulldoze past the Orlando Magic and win Cleveland its first professional sports title since 1964.
See? It makes perverse and brilliant sense.
I may think you're a gutless, knee-jerk, right-wing reactionary, but damnit, Sanford, I'm impressed.
The Cavs clearly needed help in the post after the pounding Dwight Howard administered in the Eastern Conference Finals, so you put on your wig and fake beard and flew to Phoenix to lean on the management. You put the squeeze on them, and said, "Look, I can get you some salary cap room, and that's about it. You're lucky I'm even offering that much! You take the deal or I'll scalp you and eat your eyeballs."
Then what do you know: Shaq deal goes through, Michael Jackson goes into cardiac arrest (right on time, Sanford, you magnificent bastard!), and you're on TV crying and pretending you loved some Argentinian woman (What did you watch "Evita" on the plane or something?).
Color me impressed. But what I'll never understand is why you had to take out Farah Fawcett? C'mon, man, that wasn't cool.

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/off-the-markley/2009/06/conspiracy-theory-did-mark-sanford-engineer-the-shaq-trade.html